The Covenant of “We” - What Marriage Was Always Meant to Be - Part 2

It’s Not About You in Marriage... It’s About Us

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”
— Genesis 2:24

If you’re anything like me, there was a moment early in your marriage when reality didn’t exactly match your expectations.

I remember walking through those early years with so many ideas of what “together” would look like. I thought if we were both doing our part, communicating well, and checking the right boxes, things would just work.

But marriage, as it turns out, isn’t a formula.

It’s a covenant.

And covenant is much deeper than shared tasks, fair exchanges, or emotional chemistry. It’s about oneness. Faithfulness. Sacrifice. And most of all — surrender to God’s design, not our own.

God’s Blueprint: Two Become One

From the very beginning, God defined marriage not as a convenient partnership, but as a divine union:

“The two shall become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24)

This wasn’t poetic language. It was theological reality. Oneness is more than physical intimacy or emotional closeness — it’s a spiritual joining. And that kind of unity doesn’t happen automatically. It has to be built. Cultivated. Protected.

But here’s what I learned the hard way:
You can’t build oneness while holding onto sameness.

If your primary focus is trying to get your spouse to see it your way…
If you’re tallying who’s done more or who’s sacrificed less…
If everything is filtered through what’s fair or what you feel…

You will miss what God is trying to form.

When I Tried to Measure Fairness

I’ll be honest: there was a season when I lived with a running scorecard in my head.

I wouldn’t have admitted it — but I was measuring everything.

• Who said “I’m sorry” first.

• Who did more with the kids.

• Who initiated spiritual conversations.

• Who got more of a break.

And when I felt like the scales tipped too far, I’d pull back. Emotionally. Physically. Spiritually.
I thought I was preserving myself. But really, I was resisting unity.

One day as I was listening to a sermon, I realized I was looking at things from the wrong perspective, and I had to ask myself:
“When did you start measuring instead of ministering?”

That question cut deep — because I knew marriage wasn’t supposed to be a ledger. It was supposed to be a place of mutual surrender, not mutual scorekeeping.

Covenant, Not Convenience

The problem is, our culture treats marriage like a contract — something you maintain as long as it’s working for you. But biblically, marriage is a covenant — a binding, sacred promise rooted in God’s character and sustained by grace.

Covenants are not about ease. They’re about endurance.
Not personal gain, but mutual growth.
Not emotional high points, but deep, faithful love that stays.

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her…”
— Ephesians 5:25

That verse sets the standard. Christ didn’t love us because we earned it. He loved us with a covenant love — unconditional, sacrificial, and anchored in redemption. And that’s what we’re called to mirror in marriage.

The “We” That Builds Legacy

When we shift from fairness to faithfulness, our entire family feels the impact. Because covenant love creates:

• Security — Our kids feel the stability of a home not built on performance, but on promise.

• Humility — We model what it means to serve, forgive, and stay when it’s hard.

• Discipleship — We live out the Gospel in real time — not just in church, but in the everyday moments at home.

I’ve learned that my marriage is not just for me. It’s not even just for us.
It’s for the generation watching behind us — and the God who holds us together.

Questions for Reflection:

• Am I operating in marriage with a contract mindset or a covenant one?

• Where have I been measuring fairness instead of pursuing oneness?

• How would our family culture change if I embraced the full beauty of covenant love?

Coming Next:

Part 3 — “When They’re Watching: How ‘Us’ Shapes Our Children”
We'll explore how your marriage isn’t just shaping your life — it’s shaping theirs. They’re watching how you argue, how you pray, how you reconcile — and it’s forming their worldview more than you think.